Happy New Year....

Christmas is over and a new year will soon be here. Our friends Chip and Holly have just taken the cake for the best late Christmas present ever, they received their referral today for a beautiful little girl. Congratulations Chip and Holly, may your lives be filled with joy and happiness as you bring you little girl home.

Christmas time is always a special time of year. It's a time for family and friends to come together and enjoy each other company. My parents were able to come join us again this year. It is always nice to have them here during this time of year and it make me miss Colorado every time they visit. Then I look at my wonderful family and think, I would not have my life any other way.

We did the typical Christmas stuff, open gifts and drink a lot of eggnog. But this year again was special because Saffi got to celebrate her first Christmas with Sawyer and Saxton. They all loved opening their gifts and playing with their new toys. It was funny to watch all of their expressions as they opened their presents. Just to give you a visual, when they opened up a toy, their eye lit up and a huge smile filled their face. But when they open up a present with clothes in it, they quickly put that gift to the side and look for another that might contain a toy. Totally priceless.

We took my parents to the Aquarium and then to the Jersey Shore. They loved every minute of it. Plus, we finally got a picture with the whole family together.

Here are some other pictures from the last week.

All three children loving each other. The Grandparents with the Grandchildren at the Shore.

From our family to yours, we hope you all had a wonderful Holiday Season and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

The Day Before the Day Before Christmas.....

Or in other words, the day before Saffi's 7th Birthday.

The past couple of weeks has been a complete roller coaster. Saffi has been doing really well at home with very minor temper tantrums, but school is a different story. While she has been a model student the last couple of days, last week was really difficult. Monday she did really well, no complaints from the teachers or counselors, Tuesday and Wednesday she was out of school because of multiple family doctors appointments. On Thursday and Friday, Saffi did not want anything to do with school (for the most part). On Thursday morning, she threw a temper tantrum that would rival a Hollywood Heiress when she didn't get the color Ferrari she wanted. She was kicking, screaming and hitting the teachers. Thank God the teachers pretty much ignored it and then she seems to calm down because she was not getting the attention she wanted.

Friday, Saffi upped the ante. Not only did she start the day off by kicking, hitting and screaming at the teachers (which they ignored again), she started hitting and scratching herself. Because of this, she was in the principle office for most of the day. This made us very, very concerned. We are monitoring this very closely, but the school believes this is another form of attention getting because once they told her to stop and held her, she would stop hitting and scratching herself. Another belief they and we have, she might be trying to do this to to tell us that she is getting injured at school so we don't send her to school. We have contacted some Mandarin speaking Psychologists in the area and we are trying to get an appointment so we can figure out why she was doing this.

BUT, as I stated earlier, they last couple of days she has been a different little girl. Grandma and Grandpa came into town from Colorado and she has been climbing all over them.

She has been helping around the house getting the boys dressed in the morning and helping clean up the living room after the kids play.

Last night, she helped decorated the Christmas Tree.
On Saturday, she went for horseback riding with Sawyer and Saxton and did not through a fit while getting on the horse, but she did gang up with Saxton to pick on Grandpa while he was trying to get warm.Tomorrow is not only Christmas Eve, but it is Saffi's 7th Birthday. We hope she has a great Birthday and a wonderful first Christmas..

Happy Holidays everyone.

It's Not All Rainbows and Ladybugs....

And anyone who tells you it is, is full of (insert your own word here). Now, before all of you out there in blogland get bent out of shape, let me explain. Saffi has come a VERY long way since Shelby first laid eyes on her about a month ago in Nanchang. At first, Saffi was very difficult to handle and would act out, violently, when Shelby tried to discipline her. When they got home, it didn't get any better and we thought to ourselves, "What the hell did we get ourselves into." She was testing boundaries in a big way. For instance, I would ask her to not touch the computer, then she would touch it anyway. When I would tell her to stop, she would sit in the middle of the room and start wailing for 'Ma Ma.' If we tried to comfort her, she would push us away, start kicking us, start trying to bite us and start hitting us. This is the side of adoption many people leave out. Eventually, she would settle down and begin to play again.

We started Saffi in Elementary School last week. Things were going great for the first couple of days. She seemed to like her teacher and the other students in her class. She also liked the work that the English as a Second Language teacher was giving her. Then came last Friday and meltdown city. When we brought her to school, she refused to go into the building with me, but she had no problem going into the school with Shelby. BUT, once the teacher's aide came to pick her up for class,the fight was on. Teachers told us to leave and that she would be okay. That was at 8:45 am. at 10:00am, we got our first phone call that Saffi was throwing toys at other students and trying to bite the school counsilor and teacher's aide, all while screaming, yes screaming, that she wanted to go home. We, along with the teachers agreed that going home was not an option because we do not want to give into her tantrums so that in the future she will think that if she tantrums, she will get what she wants. At 1:30, we received a second phone call saying that she calmed down and was back in the classroom for 1/2 hour, but flipped out when she was told to go to the cafeteria for lunch. So back to the Principles office she went. She ended up there for the rest of the day all the while she was kicking, screaming, hitting and biting the Principle, teacher's aide and counselor. It was so bad, the school told us that if she isn't better on Monday, we would have to look at a modified schedule until she can get used to the school.

Luckily, over the weekend, an alien ship came from outer space and took away the bad Saffi and gave us a good Saffi. For the most part, this week has been uneventful. She has only thrown one tantrum at home and has been an angel at school Thank heaven for little girls. The boys love playing with her and she loves chasing the boys around the house. We started her in Horseback riding two weeks ago, her second ride is this Friday. Hopefully she will like it this time as much as last time.
Here is a really good picture of all three kids playing together.

This past weekend, we went on a Santa Train in West Chester, PA. It was a lot of fun, but unfortunately, the kids didn't know what think of Santa. But they all had a great time riding the train and singing Christmas Carols.

BTW-It was around 20 degrees with a wind chill of 5 degrees. A very, very cold day.

Happy Birthday Sawyer.....

Yesterday was Sawyer's Fourth Birthday. Yes, it is hard to believe that this precious little boy is four years old. So, for his fourth birthday, we took him to one of his most favorite places in the world, the Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ. They loved watch all the big fish swim by the glass.

Sawyer was adventurous enough to go to the touching pond and touch one of the small sharks.

Then we came home and celebrated with Sawyer's Birthday cake. You know your little boy is growing up when he uses a fork for the majority of the eating and doesn't get as messy as years past.

After about fifteen minutes of cake eating, here is what the cake looked like. By the way, he did have a piece of cake on a little plate but he was more interested in eating the cake itself.

Everyone was happy after they got their sugar fix.

I couldn't resist. I told Saxton to get ready for the aquarium, and this is what he came downstairs looking like. Doesn't he look cute as a purple haired little girl?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWYER!!!!!

'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving...

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except Cao,Be Be,Lu Lu and Timber, searching for that pesky mouse. The turkey was soaking in a brine that was so rare, I can't wait to eat it and gain ten pounds without a care.
The children were sitting all snug on the couch, amazed at what they saw, I thought it could have been Hee Haw, but no, it was 'Finding Nemo' on the TV, oops one of them had to go pee.Saffi in her sweats is still settling in, but Saxton likes to chase his new girly kin. Sawyer is also adapting to having this older girl, but he knows she will always be there to give him a whirl.

Daddy can wait until that first boy arrives to take his little girl out on a date, that boy will be in for a big surprise, if she comes home late.

Mama is still recuperating from her long November Trip, she likes to rest in bed a lot, I think she broke a hip. (not really)

The Walker-Smith family are settling in just fine, as long as we have three or four cases of good Riesling Wine.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We are all doing just fine. Saffi is adjusting as well as she can to a new family. Even though we had had some really rough times over the past three weeks, Saffi is coming into her own. Every once in awhile, she will have some horrible grieving moments where we can do nothing to calm her down. We just sit next to her and let her grieve and then she usually falls asleep in one of our laps. Yesterday I heard my wife say that she thinks we will all be okay. I also think we will be just fine. We will have a lot of trials and tribulations over the next, god only knows, however many years, but if this is the worst that happens, BRING IT ON!!!!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday and a safe and happy Holiday Season.

Mommy and Saffi Are Home....

Shelby and Saffi made it home with a few minor meltdowns in the Guangzhou and Beijing airports. While these were trying times, Saffi did very well on both flights. When she met the boys, it was like someone just let of a box of whistlers that lasted until 11:00pm last night. Then it all started again at 4:00 am. Curse that darn Jet Lag. The boys love chasing her around the house, it is really cool to see Sawyer and Saxton play with Saffi as if she has been here the whole time.

It seems Saffi is starting to adjust. She had her first meltdown with me tonight when I was trying to get the boys to fall asleep. She wanted to fall asleep on the floor, but I moved her to her own bed. This set her off crying for MaMa. Surprisingly, she let me rub her back, while she cried, until she fell asleep. Hopefully she will sleep through the whole night. Stay tuned, more to come....

Homeward Bound....

Today was the Consulate appointment and everything went well. Shelby and Saffi are one step closer to home. It is 11:30 at night there, right now. They have to get up at 4:00am China time to get to the airport. They leave Guangzhou at 8:30 am and arrive in Beijing at 12:30pm China time. Then they have a five hour layover until their flight leaves for the States. Luckily, it is a non-stop flight home. I can not wait to see them when them get off that plane tomorrow evening. It has been a long two weeks for all of us.

Saffi is still getting use to her new mommy and mommy is still getting use to her new daughter. There have been some real rough times over the past couple of weeks. Saffi has had little to no discipline, so when Shelby tries to tell her 'no,' Saffi flips out. Of course some of this is testing boundaries, but sometimes Saffi will start to grieve and not let anyone near her. This is hard for Shelby who wants to comfort her and bond with her and it seems that Saffi just wants to push her away. Thanks to our friends like Nancy and Ruth who have been telling us that they had to go through the same thing when they adopted their older children. Thank you both for the support. Your messages did truly help through these tough times and will continue to help us through the transition period. Also, I would like to thank all of you who have left very supportive and kind comments on our sight. Kim, Holly, Val, Ron, Jen, Mel, Kristen, Lori, and anyone else I didn't mention. All of your comment have been very up lifting to us all. Okay, enough with the acceptance sounding speech. Here is a few last photos of Saffi at a children's park in Guangzhou. Unfortunately, Shelby was not able to get as many pictures as we would of liked because Saffi thought the camera was a toy. Therefore, the camera was not out as much. But, anyway, enjoy:

Oh What A Day....(From Shelby)

Today was a much better day. We went to the Goat Park and got some great pictures of Saffi. She listened well and was in a great mood. We then went to look for shoes. Because Saffi's left foot is so badly deformed from the unsuccessful surgery to correct her club foot, it is VERY hard to find shoes. I actually had to buy two different sizes. But now she will only wear the smaller size because she got very upset when she relaxed the shoes were two different sizes. She was smart enough to look at the bottom of the shoes and say no way. I was hoping she would nap this afternoon but it appears that a nap is not going to happen.

I miss you all so much and cant wait to see you and boys!

We are in Guangzhou.....(From Shelby)

Yesterday was a another trying day. Saffi had another major meltdown and was very aggressive with me - hitting me and kicking me. She even slapped me across the face. But after an hour of this, calmed down and was back to her happy self. Scott and I are pretty strict regarding behavior, so it was hard for me to sit there with her. I had to seriously reprimand her and tell her no.

The plane ride was fine and she was great. She loved looking out the window.

We are now at the White Swan and are so relieved to be here. But it is bittersweet at the same time. I miss Scott and the boys terribly and remember all the great times we had here with the two boys. I am also glad that home is one step closer and that is sad to me unto itself because I love being in China. However, I will say that Nanchang was not what I had expected. There is nothing to do in the city that's close to the hotels and child friendly.

Today we will have the medical visit which should be interesting because Saffi has an undisclosed medical issue. We got our final approval from the FBI so our state approval can now be processed (SCOTT FILL THIS IN WITH WHAT HAPPENED RE FINGERPRINTS). In the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania if one parent is traveling, the State REQUIRES you to do a second FBI clearances. While my fingerprints passed with flying colors, Shelby did not do to her hand being ultra super dry (technical term-look it up). After failing twice, the State asked the FBI to do a name search. Which of course came back fine, TODAY, two days before the Consulate Appointment. Without this approval, Shelby would not of been able to bring Saffi home. To make the story more interesting, we did not know we needed to do this until a week before Shelby left for China. Thanks to needing to get a home study update, we found out about it from our social worker that this was a new rule. How fun it was. But, Thank goodness that it is over with and Shelby and Saffi can come home safely.

I am slowly starting to attached to Saffi but we have a long road ahead of us. Here is some pictures of our first day in Guangzhou.

Last Day in Nanchang...

Shelby is glad that this is her last day in Nanchang and headed toward the comforts of the White Swan. It is almost like walking up the path to the pearly gates and you can hear the choir singing, but the gates aren't open, yet.

It has been a very trying time on Shelby, her mother and Saffi. Saffi is getting used to a new family, Shelby is getting used to a new daughter and Shelby's Mother just takes some time to get used to period. Just kidding, she has been helping out when she can.

Unfortunately, we might not see too many pictures for the rest of the trip. Every time Shelby takes out the camera, Saffi thinks it's funny to try to break it. She will try to pull the lens out, stomp on it or even throw it across the room. Not too funny to Mommy and Daddy who paid good money for this nice camera. According to Shelby, the child has had no discipline or boundaries. Oh how thing can change (insert sinister laugh here with the rubbing of the hands together and the rolled up nose, topped off with a grin from ear to ear).

Anyway, I will try to keep you all updated as to what is going on. One thing that Shelby mentioned was that Saffi was starting to listen a little better. I had a nice conversation with Saffi in English. I said I love you and she screamed I love you back (with the prompting of Shelby).

Have a great day. Hopefully the next update from Shelby will come from Guangzhou.

A Very Trying Day.....

Today was a very challenging day. Saffi is testing every boundary imaginable. It is hard because I have to be so firm with her and I feel like all I am doing is speaking harshly to her and telling her no. She is constantly running away from me and will not listen to me. She thinks everything is funny until she realizes that she is not going to get her way - and then the wailing for mama starts. I have to realize that she does not really view me as mama, let alone even like me. And I am not yet attached to her. I know she is part of our family and that she is my daughter, but the motherly love is just starting to grow. I care and love her deeply, but I must also attach to her. Attaching to an older child can be very challenging, especially with limited communication. While it easy to tell her "no don't do that" in Mandarin, I don't know enough Mandarin to explain to the reason why. While attaching to Saffi is going to be very challenging, I know and my husband knows that we can work through this as a family. A lot of people don't talk about this part of adoption because they want to preserve that ladybugs and rainbows image. Of course, it doesn't help that I am sick and can't seem to get rid of my head cold. You know your husband really really loves you when he stays on the phone with you while you throw up all your dinner, while forgetting to put the phone down.

In addition, her foster family was supposed to come to Nanchang today to say goodbye but they could not come. I am disappointed but relieved at the same time. Before we knew they were not coming, I had the guide start to prepare Saffi. However, Saffi started saying that if she sees her foster mother, she will run away from me and go to them because they will take her back home. She was so adamant that she would leave, the Guide was afraid of allowing her to see them and advised me not to bring her down to meet them but to come alone. But they didn't come. So moot point right....except that I feel like I failed adoptive parenting 101 by not making the trip to see them. On the other hand, we will be sending them some gift while we are here in China which Saffi help me wrap. We will also allow Saffi to stay in touch with the foster family as often as she would like. Thank goodness we fly to Guangzhou tomorrow - I can not wait for Starbucks - the coffee here is like mud - seriously it is thick and drips out of the container like a sludge.

Oh What a Great Day... (from Shelby)

Today was a better day. We went to a local park in Nanchang and a Taoist Temple at the park. Saffi is getting better but she will not listen to me while the guide is around. She is used to running everywhere, with no thought to a parent. However, she is better when we are alone in the hotel room. She is now taking her first nap (thank freaking god!) and I am going to relax and read. Here are some pictures from today's adventure:

A Very Tough Day...

Today was a very rough day for Saffi transitioning to her new family, but we expected this. This is why we did our research and talked to friends who went through similar situations. While it is very hard for me to just sit here almost 7000 miles away and watch helplessly as my wife and daughter are going through one of the toughest times in thier lives, I know my wife is strong and can get through this tough time.

Today, Shelby found lice eggs on Saffi's head. After washing her hair with lice shampoo, Shelby was advised to go get her hair cut to better expose her scalp. So, Saffi's is going to remember her first haircut with her new family as a very tramatic event. After the haircut, Saffi kept telling the guide "oh my hair, my hair. I am not beautiful anymore." But all we see is this gorgeous little girl that I can not wait to hug.

Shelby also got a surprise phone call from the Foster Family. They would like for Shelby and Saffi to come back to the Foster Village for one last visit on Thursday. While this could be a chance for closure for Saffi and a learning experience for us, we are having some concerns. When Saffi was talking to her Foster Family, she told them that if she goes to the Foster Village, she is not going to come back with her new family. This scared the crap out of us. We thought it might be better for all of us if we paid for the Foster Family to come to Nanchang for on last visit. If anyone has any advise, this would be a great time to share it with us. Nancy, we are relying on you for guidance (no pressure).

Understandably, Shelby is very exhausted and the jet lag doesn't help. So, they went bed at 7:00 pm China time tonight. Yesterday, Saffi slept for twelve hours. I wish I could sleep that long, but I have two 3 1/2 foot human spinning tops that like to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night.

Anyway, here are some pictures of Saffi's haircut. Isn't she adorable?

First full Day...

Today was our first full day together. Saffi went to bed last night at 10pm. She woke up at 5am - which made for a horrendous day. We went to do paperwork at the Civil Affairs office and met a group from Spain. The group was NSN and many of them were very open in their surprise that I was adopting Saffi. Of course, I imagine that some of their surprise had to do with the fact that Saffi was grieving very very hard and wanted nothing to do with me. We finished with the paperwork and went to have Saffi's passport picture taken and paperwork processed. Saffi decided to start climbing the walls (literally) and I decided to use that opportunity to start establishing boundaries. Saffi flipped out - she threw her shoes off and started wailing for mama. Of course everyone was looking at me and people started coming over to try to calm Saffi - making her wailing even worse. And karma chose this moment to have the first screw up of all of our adoptions. Saffi's information was never sent to the passport people. So now we are stuck waiting for her information to make it to Nanchang from Leping. We are hoping that we will not be delayed (fingers crossed). So, I carried a screaming and crying 6 year old out to the waiting car, with all the on-lookers getting a show.

Saffi eventually calmed down and the guide and I talked a bit about her life. Saffi comes from deep in the country of Jiangxi. She was raised in extremely poor living conditions - even by China's standards (I know that sounds bad and I don't mean it like that but don't know how else to write about this). The children of her village - whether foster or biological - are allowed to run very free and have minimal to no discipline because the foster parents are so busy trying to survive. The children run free and unless cold, do not wear shoes very often and are allowed to stay very dirty. They generally do not eat at tables with adults but wander as they eat. Saffi came to me surface clean - once I took off her clothes for a bath, I saw that her toe nails were very long and embedded with dirt; one may be in grown. She is very afraid of the bath tub and can only tolerate about 1 inch of water. Saffi has refused to eat; but once the guide figured out she wanted rice and SAUTEED RADISHES, she chowed. She literally took the bowl and shoveled the food into her mouth. She is very afraid of elevators, escalators, the traffic here in Nanchang and mirrors fascinate her. At least her two front teeth are decayed and she picks her nose like a truck driver (Daddy - she is so your girl!!). She is wild - she is very active and likes to climb everything.

She also came to me with a huge scar on her wrist. I asked the Director about it today and they told me it was a birthmark. Well, the guide followed up and it was a birthmark - one that tunnel into her growth plate and was recommended for removal by the doctor who "fixed" her feet. The doctor thought that the birthmark would stop her arm from growing properly. This was completely undisclosed to us and is somewhat disturbing. Especially given the fact that the orphanage doesn't have the medical records on the birthmark or the surgery.

Frankly - this has been a trying and emotionally draining trip. It is especially hard because I am without my support system - Scott. I never realized how much inner strength I have because of him; how essential he is to who I am as a person and most importantly, as a parent. Although I have faith it will get better eventually, all I have for tomorrow is hope - hope to make it through the day mentally and emotionally intact. I hope that my little girl will start shedding a layer or two of her protective shell and start to let me in. I cant tell you how much I long to hold her and give her the kisses Sawyer and Saxton accept so freely. Please say a prayer for us....

Shelby's Account of the First Day...


Out of all our adoptions, I have to say that today was by far the hardest. Saffi (currently we call her Ke Ke - pronounced ker ker) is in very bad shape. She is very small and appears to be very mal-nourished. Her hair is very short and very thin. Her right foot is very severe and the leg turns from the ankle to the knee. She will definitely need multiple surgeries stateside and i think that competitive sports may not ever be an option. She also has a huge scar that wraps around her right wrist, suture marks still apparent.


The director of the orphanage and five (YES FIVE) workers/nannies came to drop Saffi of at our hotel room. They stayed for about 30 minutes and answered the basic questions. Once they left, Saffi imediately started taking her shoes off and pulled out a two page letter from her foster mother. Although I wont include specifics, the letter basically said that she loved Saffi but was unable to care for her for her entire life and that we were her only chance for a family. The foster mother also had Saffi memorize their phone number and so we called the foster mother so that Saffi could let her know she was okay. Saffi then started pulling off her pants and there on the inside of her underpants was another message from the foster mother including her address!!! I am thrilled beyond belief that I have some way to contact the foster family!


Once the guide left, all hell broke loose. Saffi ran for the door, screaming mama; she sobbed and tried to get out of the hotel room for the next two hours. I sat on the floor but she refused to let me touch her or give her anything. Eventually, she calmed down and we had a bath - complete with underwear on! She just fell asleep with all her new toys surrounding her. I hope that tomorrow will be better for my darling girl - I am glad she is grieving as at least I know she has attached to someone and that we have a good chance that she will eventually attach to us.


Interestingly, both the guide and the director confirmed that they only have children with severe needs available for international adoption. The director asked me to please please advocate for other children with special needs. He also was very proud of the fact that he was able to adopt a majority of his children to couples inside Jiangxi Province. I love and miss everyone desperately and know in my heart that "tomorrow is another day."